Supporting LGBTQIA+ Youth: A Starting Place for Parents
Providing a safe space for youth of all identities to be their true selves is part of what Ophelia’s Place is all about. Abby James, a youth activities coordinator at OP, frequently hears from LGBTQIA+ youth that they often feel that they must hide who they are until they believe their community is a safe place to be themselves.
“Whether they are at home, at school, or in town, there is a fear in revealing too much of themselves too soon, or a fear that they will accidentally let some part of them slip in a space they know isn’t safe,” she said. “Even in progressive communities, there is still too much uncertainty and risk for these youth in being themselves at the ‘wrong time.’”
As parents and adults, there are many ways to be an adult ally to the LGBTQ youth in your life. The impact is significant for youth and their futures.
Educate Yourself: Spend time learning terms and researching information relating to the LGBTQIA+ community. Educating yourself will allow you to feel confident in understanding and advocating for your child. It’s a great way to show your support. A place to begin is knowing the definitions of some of the basics, according to Teaching Tolerance: Best Practices for Serving LGBTQ Students:
Gender identity (noun): One’s innermost feeling of maleness, femaleness, a blend of both or neither. One’s gender identity can be the same or different from their sex assigned at birth.
Gender roles (noun): The social behaviors and expression that a culture expects from people based on their assigned sex (e.g., girls wear pink; boys don’t cry; women care for home and child; men are more violent), despite a spectrum of various other possibilities.
Sexual orientation (noun): An inherent or immutable emotional, romantic or sexual attraction to other people; oftentimes used to signify the gender identity (or identities) to which a person is most attracted.
Ally (noun): A person who does not identify as LGBTQ, but stands with and advocates for LGBTQ people.
Homophobia (noun): A fear or hostility toward lesbian, gay and/or bisexual people, often expressed as discrimination, harassment, and violence.
Offer Acceptance: Youth who identify as a part of the LGBTQIA+ community fear rejection from those they care about most. According to the 2017 GLSEN National School Climate Survey, 88% of students in Oregon heard the word “gay” used in a negative way and 77% of Oregon students heard homophobic remarks.
According to the Family Acceptance Project, LGBTQ youth who are shown acceptance by their family have higher self-esteem and are more protected against depression, substance use, and unprotected sex. LGBTQ youth who are accepted by their family are also nearly 50% less likely to attempt suicide than those who are unsupported by their family. Adult allyship and acceptance is critical for LGBTQIA+ youth in multiple aspects of their life.
Validate Experiences: Remember every individual has a different experience and all those experiences can be true. The best support adult allies can offer LGBTQIA + youth is validating their experiences and accepting them. Often, youth are taught their experiences are invalid or wrong. You can show acceptance by:
Asking your child what they need to feel supported.
Communicating and listening to your child without interrupting and in a non-judgmental way.
Evaluating your own biases, stepping outside of your comfort zone, and receiving support from others to learn about issues LGBTQIA+ individuals face.
Learning and using correct terminology.
Allowing your child to express themselves and defy gender stereotypes.
Interrupting homophobic or problematic comments.
Taking accountability and apologizing when you make mistakes or say the wrong thing.
Open Communication: Go out for coffee or lunch, make dinner together, or play a card game once a week with your child. This pattern will create space for you and your child to open up about anything – easy or hard. Practice active listening by facing them, focusing fully on them, and repeating what they choose to share with you. To learn more about active listening please visit our Listening vs Hearing blog post.
Be an Advocate: Youth who are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community oftentimes are at higher risk for: bullying in and outside of school; depression; and anxiety. Advocate for your child by:
Opening communication with staff at school or other after school programs.
Educating yourself on LGBTQ rights and terminology.
Expecting family and friends to treat your children with compassion and respect.
Encouraging your child to join GSA or other clubs at school.
Reach Out for Support: You aren’t alone. Lean on your community to help educate yourself and support your own feelings and needs too. The following resources are dedicated to serving youth and their families:
Ophelia’s Place: A prevention-based nonprofit dedicated to supporting all girl-identified youth between the ages 10-18 to make healthy life choices through empowerment, education, and support. Ophelia’s Place offers a support group called Queer Space.